it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone shit on the floor
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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