You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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