What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
