my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we're making bets on your personal life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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