Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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