Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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