I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
