its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
