So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
