I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
