We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize