i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
