I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
