I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
