I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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