my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
