I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
