Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
