i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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