Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
