p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
