3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
