I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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