Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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