She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
