Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
