i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
that is very illegal...i love you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
