i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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