He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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