I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
