I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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