For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
