I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
