and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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