You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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