I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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