Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize