i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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