just come out here and I will go home with you...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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