Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
