Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
