i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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