my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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