is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
