Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
