Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
