he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
