At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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