i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
