ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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