she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
