just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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