I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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