lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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