Where is the hickey?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize