all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
