dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize