im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
