Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
