I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
