Apparently you make a good broom.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
