hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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