Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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