FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
