worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
