yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
