Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
