I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
