i think i have two assholes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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