You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
