BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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