turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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