my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
