I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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