Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
