if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
