We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
