The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
