have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize