I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
