Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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