Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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