I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
