i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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