And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
