I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
