1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
