I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
