you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
