so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have fence marks all over my body
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
